In the previous article, we learned about Psychological Tricks Used in Negotiation. Now, let’s dive into a more personal and darker side of human interactions: coercive control in relationships.
Relationships are supposed to be our safe havens, our go-to places for love, comfort, and support. However, sometimes, they can turn into traps of manipulation and control without us even realizing it. Coercive control is one such dark aspect of relationships that creeps in slowly but surely, eroding our sense of self and freedom.
What is Coercive Control?
Coercive control is a pattern of behavior where one person exerts power over another through manipulation, intimidation, isolation, and other tactics designed to dominate and control the victim. Unlike physical abuse, coercive control is often subtle and can go unnoticed for a long time, making it all the more dangerous.
Signs of Coercive Control
- Isolation: Your partner isolates you from friends, family, and other support networks. They might justify it by saying they want to spend more time with you, but over time, you find yourself increasingly cut off from your loved ones.Example: Sarah used to meet her friends every Friday night. After she started dating John, he began complaining about her friends, making her feel guilty for spending time with them. Gradually, Sarah stopped seeing her friends altogether.
- Monitoring Your Activities: They constantly check your phone, emails, or social media. They might demand to know where you are and who you’re with at all times.Example: Rajesh’s partner, Priya, insisted on having access to his phone passwords and would frequently check his messages. Rajesh initially thought it was just a sign of concern but soon realized it was about control.
- Gaslighting: They make you question your own reality and sanity. They deny things you know to be true, making you doubt your memory and perception.Example: Whenever Mike brought up how controlling Jessica was being, she would dismiss his concerns, calling him overly sensitive or paranoid. Over time, Mike started doubting his own feelings and experiences.
- Financial Control: They control your finances, making you dependent on them for money. This can include taking your earnings, giving you an allowance, or preventing you from working.Example: Lily’s husband, Mark, took over her bank accounts and gave her a limited amount of money each week. He claimed it was for budgeting, but Lily felt increasingly trapped.
- Emotional Manipulation: They use guilt, fear, and shame to control you. This can include threatening to leave you, harming themselves, or saying things like, “You’ll never find anyone else who loves you.”Example: Whenever Alex tried to assert his independence, his partner, Sam, would threaten to leave or harm themselves, making Alex feel responsible for their well-being.
Solutions to Break Free
- Recognize the Signs: The first step to breaking free from coercive control is to recognize that it’s happening. Trust your instincts and acknowledge your feelings.
- Reach Out for Help: Talk to trusted friends, family, or a professional about what you’re experiencing. They can provide support and help you see things more clearly.
- Plan Your Exit: If you’re ready to leave the relationship, plan your exit carefully. This might involve saving money, finding a safe place to stay, and seeking legal advice if necessary.
- Rebuild Your Support Network: Reconnect with friends and family. Building a strong support network is crucial for your emotional and physical well-being.
- Seek Professional Help: Consider therapy or counseling to help you heal from the trauma of coercive control. A professional can provide strategies and tools to rebuild your sense of self and independence.
- Legal Protection: In some cases, legal measures such as restraining orders might be necessary to ensure your safety. Don’t hesitate to seek legal advice and protection if needed.
Breaking free from coercive control is challenging, but it’s crucial for your well-being and happiness. Remember, you deserve to live a life free from manipulation and control.
Stay tuned for our next article on Recovering from Psychological Abuse: Tools and Techniques, where we’ll explore ways to heal and regain your strength after experiencing such trauma.
